Home
Reiki Digest
Log in
I took my first drink of alcohol when i was 9. My first experience with drugs when i was 16. Over the next 12 or 13 years i developed a 'taste' for alchohol & stimulant type drugs. Culminating in a serious cocaine addiction. An unfortunate by-product of being an alcoholic & drug addict is that inevitably it affects others also.
Things came to a head in the spring of 2005. My family had left me for the 2nd time, and i really thought, for the final time. My other relatives had nearly all washed their hands of me. Only people in my life, where drug users. The pain of it all was almost unbearable. I'd lost the most important people in my life, and began to feel so alone.
I decided to try to 'escape' from it all, in the quickest way i knew how. I went on a £5k cocaine binge for a month. By July, i was very unstable mentally, very paranoid, and was having hallucinations. I tried to get help from the local authorites, but no help was available. Cocaine addicition was still relatively unknown there then. I'd got involved with some nasty people, and had an attempt on my life by them.
I'd had enough. every single day actually was physicially, mentally & emotionally painful for me. I could'nt get help, and didn't know how to help myself, or, feel empowered to do so. I decided to plan my suicide, and got down to an almost militry operation. Everything was ready to go ahead. Something made me pause. I dunno what the heck it was. I do know, that with an addicted person, their brain changes chemically. Depletion of seratonin and dopamine via cocaine use, greatly make the brain need the one thing it knows from expereince creates huge amounts of both those. The extra neural pathways created during a dopmaine or seratonin mass-produced high, take up to year to go back to normal levels, and during that time, they still place a demand for the levels of dopamine needed to satisfy those extraordinary amounts of new neural pathways. This is why quite often, an addict has so much trouble gettting off, and staying off. They really are battling their own mind. not just a psychological habit, but a chemical dependance also. It's quite hard. The suprising thing for me, in hindsight, is that even with all this, there was something else coming into the equation.
Although i've been on spiritual paths on-off for years, it'd been quite some time since i'd felt close to God. In fact, i felt so far away from him, and used to cry often, wishing, and pleading with God to come back to me. One day, at the period of my intending suicide, i happened to decide to go to the library. I got a book on shamanism out. There was a 12 week course in it. I decided to try it. Meeting my power animal, a bear, was a fantastic experience, we became close freinds. Being able to avail of his strength, was crucial to me. Shamanism was enough to reduce my use of Cocaine for a few weeks, nd give me some form of focus on spirituality. It was during this time i went on a shamanic journey, and met with an aspect of Divinity. I wanted to know my purpose, cause at this point, although the pain of my life didn't seem just a sbad, it was still right here with me. I was told that i've a special purpose to be here. It was to help humanity. And was in fact, the reason why we are all here, we all have this special purpose (course that help takes many forms). I was also told i'd have one more chance at things, if i messed this up, that would be that. At this point in my life, as i was still of the opinion i could die or live either way, i was looking back at my wasted life a lot. so, this message, of one more chance, was so very special.
It was so special that i embarked on full blown drug use again within 2 weeks. The shame i felt spiritually was almost enough to want me to end my life itself. I don't know why, but i decided to go to the library again, where i'd got the Shaman book. Just before i got there, i noticed a Mind/Body/Spirit shop, and decided to go in. There wasn't much of interest to me, but a leaflet on some kinda 'healing' took my eye. I picked it up, and saw something called 'Reiki'. I went and checked it out in the library. Basically all i could fathom was it was some kinda healing, so i decided to give it a shot. I'd promised myself it was to be 'my last shot'. If this Reiki thing never worked, then i'd have really run outta hope, and would kill myself. I was mentally ill, had a raging drug addiction, had no help to sort it, was all alone, and had gangsters trying to kill me. yeah, i hated being alive.
Still, there was something that made me wanna try one more time...
I went into my level 1 Reiki workshop not knowing what the heck it was, but knowing there is a chance that it may help me. I couldn't have cared less what it was, i needed healing or i was dead.
In the course, i was the only guy (nothing all that strange in Reiki classes, hehe). Still, to spend a day with a room full of attractive ladies, wasn't all that bad anyhow, hehe. The initiation was incredible. Upon opening my eyes, the colours of the world seemed much more brighter & clearer, everything was so fresh! It was like being born again. The rest of the day was a whirlwind. feeling the sensations in my palms for the first time! Hehe, it fills me full of emotion & excitement even now! You folks know what i mean! I felt nothing in the world could dampen things for me, and decided to walk 8 mile home, just to take in the world. I went home to get a hamburger, and felt i couldn't eat meat all of a sudden! The thought made me sick! And then i never slept for a whole week, i was so excited. I rang my teacher asking in a schoolboy excited tone "Am I normal?'.
After all the heartache i caused, all the feeling of now help, for once, i was able to help myself at will. I no longer felt lonely either, heck i was able to experience God every day, i felt connected to the world more than ever. Within 3 weeks my cocaine use had stopped completely. Maybe inevitably, my whole views on all things began to change, including my interests, and also my choice of freinds. I deliberately stayed on my own completely. After all, all i had was drug aquaintinces.
The chance in my life was dramatic, it was so obvious to see, so much that after my level 1 in September 2005, my family came back to me in November 2005! It was so unexpected, and even now brings tears of happiness to my eyes. I definitely never deserved that chance, but heck, both myself, and my fianceee (whom isn't spiritually really) could clearly feel God walking with us. Not metaphorically, we felt a divine presence around us.
Reiki touched all areas of my life, and gave me opportunities i never thought possible. It really catapulted things for me, and has enriched my life beyond my dreams. There's been times things havn't been easy even post-level 1. Great thing about Reiki though, is that it's always there when one needs it!
Take care
Wayne
Things came to a head in the spring of 2005. My family had left me for the 2nd time, and i really thought, for the final time. My other relatives had nearly all washed their hands of me. Only people in my life, where drug users. The pain of it all was almost unbearable. I'd lost the most important people in my life, and began to feel so alone.
I decided to try to 'escape' from it all, in the quickest way i knew how. I went on a £5k cocaine binge for a month. By July, i was very unstable mentally, very paranoid, and was having hallucinations. I tried to get help from the local authorites, but no help was available. Cocaine addicition was still relatively unknown there then. I'd got involved with some nasty people, and had an attempt on my life by them.
I'd had enough. every single day actually was physicially, mentally & emotionally painful for me. I could'nt get help, and didn't know how to help myself, or, feel empowered to do so. I decided to plan my suicide, and got down to an almost militry operation. Everything was ready to go ahead. Something made me pause. I dunno what the heck it was. I do know, that with an addicted person, their brain changes chemically. Depletion of seratonin and dopamine via cocaine use, greatly make the brain need the one thing it knows from expereince creates huge amounts of both those. The extra neural pathways created during a dopmaine or seratonin mass-produced high, take up to year to go back to normal levels, and during that time, they still place a demand for the levels of dopamine needed to satisfy those extraordinary amounts of new neural pathways. This is why quite often, an addict has so much trouble gettting off, and staying off. They really are battling their own mind. not just a psychological habit, but a chemical dependance also. It's quite hard. The suprising thing for me, in hindsight, is that even with all this, there was something else coming into the equation.
Although i've been on spiritual paths on-off for years, it'd been quite some time since i'd felt close to God. In fact, i felt so far away from him, and used to cry often, wishing, and pleading with God to come back to me. One day, at the period of my intending suicide, i happened to decide to go to the library. I got a book on shamanism out. There was a 12 week course in it. I decided to try it. Meeting my power animal, a bear, was a fantastic experience, we became close freinds. Being able to avail of his strength, was crucial to me. Shamanism was enough to reduce my use of Cocaine for a few weeks, nd give me some form of focus on spirituality. It was during this time i went on a shamanic journey, and met with an aspect of Divinity. I wanted to know my purpose, cause at this point, although the pain of my life didn't seem just a sbad, it was still right here with me. I was told that i've a special purpose to be here. It was to help humanity. And was in fact, the reason why we are all here, we all have this special purpose (course that help takes many forms). I was also told i'd have one more chance at things, if i messed this up, that would be that. At this point in my life, as i was still of the opinion i could die or live either way, i was looking back at my wasted life a lot. so, this message, of one more chance, was so very special.
It was so special that i embarked on full blown drug use again within 2 weeks. The shame i felt spiritually was almost enough to want me to end my life itself. I don't know why, but i decided to go to the library again, where i'd got the Shaman book. Just before i got there, i noticed a Mind/Body/Spirit shop, and decided to go in. There wasn't much of interest to me, but a leaflet on some kinda 'healing' took my eye. I picked it up, and saw something called 'Reiki'. I went and checked it out in the library. Basically all i could fathom was it was some kinda healing, so i decided to give it a shot. I'd promised myself it was to be 'my last shot'. If this Reiki thing never worked, then i'd have really run outta hope, and would kill myself. I was mentally ill, had a raging drug addiction, had no help to sort it, was all alone, and had gangsters trying to kill me. yeah, i hated being alive.
Still, there was something that made me wanna try one more time...
I went into my level 1 Reiki workshop not knowing what the heck it was, but knowing there is a chance that it may help me. I couldn't have cared less what it was, i needed healing or i was dead.
In the course, i was the only guy (nothing all that strange in Reiki classes, hehe). Still, to spend a day with a room full of attractive ladies, wasn't all that bad anyhow, hehe. The initiation was incredible. Upon opening my eyes, the colours of the world seemed much more brighter & clearer, everything was so fresh! It was like being born again. The rest of the day was a whirlwind. feeling the sensations in my palms for the first time! Hehe, it fills me full of emotion & excitement even now! You folks know what i mean! I felt nothing in the world could dampen things for me, and decided to walk 8 mile home, just to take in the world. I went home to get a hamburger, and felt i couldn't eat meat all of a sudden! The thought made me sick! And then i never slept for a whole week, i was so excited. I rang my teacher asking in a schoolboy excited tone "Am I normal?'.
After all the heartache i caused, all the feeling of now help, for once, i was able to help myself at will. I no longer felt lonely either, heck i was able to experience God every day, i felt connected to the world more than ever. Within 3 weeks my cocaine use had stopped completely. Maybe inevitably, my whole views on all things began to change, including my interests, and also my choice of freinds. I deliberately stayed on my own completely. After all, all i had was drug aquaintinces.
The chance in my life was dramatic, it was so obvious to see, so much that after my level 1 in September 2005, my family came back to me in November 2005! It was so unexpected, and even now brings tears of happiness to my eyes. I definitely never deserved that chance, but heck, both myself, and my fianceee (whom isn't spiritually really) could clearly feel God walking with us. Not metaphorically, we felt a divine presence around us.
Reiki touched all areas of my life, and gave me opportunities i never thought possible. It really catapulted things for me, and has enriched my life beyond my dreams. There's been times things havn't been easy even post-level 1. Great thing about Reiki though, is that it's always there when one needs it!
Take care
Wayne
